he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
