careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
