I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize