It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
