He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
