maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
