Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
