All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
