Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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