I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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