just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
