I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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