Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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