i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
