so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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