I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
