He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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