rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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