One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
