the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
