Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
