If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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