I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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