it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
