my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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