Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
