When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
