I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
