Did you just see the Batmobile???
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
