your room smells of hookers.
And success
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
