...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
