I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
