Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
