we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
