We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
