I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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