Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize