You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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