i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
