Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
