i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
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I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize