I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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