If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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