Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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