she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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