jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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