Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
