my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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