I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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