Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We just shotgunned beers for America
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
