the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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