College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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