Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
