I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
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the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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