I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
