he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
