The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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