I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
