Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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