I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
