I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
