Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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