I faked an abortion last night.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie