This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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