We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
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I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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