I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?