Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
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Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.