A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.