Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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