Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I don't deserve a penis
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.