I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
