So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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