she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
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the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.