i think my tv is drunk
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
