Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown