every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?