I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
