I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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