when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
