So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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