Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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