he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
