I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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