I just saw a hot homeless man
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
