Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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