Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
