he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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