So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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