If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
