Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize