Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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