I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
