he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
