i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
